Yesterday I declared Tuesday a national day of celebration. I exchanged merry Tuesday cheer with friends and shouted “Merry Tuesday!” at passers-by.
Yesterday was also House Drama. Very dramatic. Our house lost, of course, as we always do.
Yesterday was also the day when the Germans arrived. German exchange students. I shot down their plane. Well, I almost did, until somebody noticed I had an anti-aircraft gun. They wouldn’t even believe it was for research. After being severely beaten for my anti-aircraft antics and my alluring abuse of alliteration, I returned to base just in time to see that they had landed on British soil. I shot a couple of them down, or like to think I did, but they were too strong and broke through anyway. I wished them a Merry Tuesday and allowed them to get on with what they were doing. Well, when I say “allowed”, I mean I was forcibly restrained.
I don’t have a German partner. They wouldn’t let me have one since what happened last year in the Black Forest area. I’ll get those Nazis back for stealing my box of sunshine and joy.
Yesterday was also the day I discovered the true meaning of Japan. Ugh. However, going to Japan would be SO FUN. I must go one day to prove my manhood and find out if I really HAVE got bigger breasts than a Japanese woman. Except they’re not really breasts. More “definitions of character”. My left definition of character is sagging a bit. Maybe I should… never mind.
Today was boring as boringness. Again my attempts to defend my country from invading Germans was foiled. People kept trying to grab my definitions of character. I keep making stuff up. Today is my official “making stuff up” day. It was also when elephants fell from the sky and ate some buckets of green bread. As I said, boring.
Tomorrow I will see a play. During schooltime. It’s called Macbeth, and involves some Scottish bloke killing lots of people because he’s been told by some ugly bitch that he’ll be King. Then some other Scottish bloke comes along and kills him. And this Scottish bloke’s Scottish son dies, saying after he does so: “He has killed me mother!” Best. Line. Ever. And the original Scottish bloke’s Scottish wife, who is quite the whore, jumps out a window and goes splat. On the ground. But of course, Macbeth couldn’t care less. He just says something stupid like “She should have died hereafter.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? “Hey, your wife is dead.” “Aw, damnit, that should have happened later.” “Shit. Hey, Lady Macbeth, you got the wrong cue.”
I’m psychotic, and you know it, bitch. You do not want to look into my mind, as doing so would scar you for ever. EVER.
And I need sleep. DON’T YOU EVER TELL ME I NEED SLEEP. But I do. NO I FUCKING DON’T. But-. I like that head, do I?
I could go on and on and on, but my psychiatrist would get angry.